Walking away from this season of interning as a children's pastor for the summer, the best way to describe the current condition of my heart is this: filled to the top and overflowing with joy. As I begin the transition back to school, my heart is overwhelmed as I reflect on the way God always provides. He knows best the needs, the desires, the dreams of our hearts, even when we feel stuck in the midst of unknown territory and a future that's not quite perfectly in focus.
The past few years I've journeyed through the waters of uncertainty as I struggled to put together the puzzle pieces of the passions, gifts, and dreams God has instilled within my heart throughout my 21 years of life. Often times, these attempts to lay out the future before me has left me frustrated and unsettled. I'm a perfectionist, a planner, and I've typically felt the need to constantly know what is next. But slowly, gradually, I've been learning that I don't need to know it all. Slowly, gradually, I've been learning that God's plans for me are good (perfect, actually), and there is much freedom to be found when I rest my soul and trust His timing rather than my own. Much like the smooth, natural rhythm of dancing in perfect step with a soulmate, God has been revealing in His perfect timing the next step in this crazy dance called life. It is in this place that much peace is found.
Last October, I was home over fall break, and as I sat down for lunch at Bob Evans with my mom and grandma (I'll never forget this), I shared with them my desire to find an outlet to connect with my passions. "I want to find something to do next summer that involves working with kids, that I'd just absolutely love," I told them. My mom encouraged me to pray about it, reminding me that God knows the desires of my heart. I barely had time to start praying, because God was already one step ahead of me.
No more than five or six hours later (literally, the same day), I was at my brother's soccer game at my high school, waiting for it to start. The other team showed up late, so the start time got pushed back, and I had some time to kill. I remembered there was a college fair going on at the school, and, being an admissions worker, I thought I might as well stop by to say hi to the counselor from my school. When I went inside, she greeted me and invited me to stay and help out at the table for a bit, and since I had time to kill, I thought why not? The table got busy, and I got to talk to a few students. After a short time, up walks the pastor from a local church with his senior son. We chatted about college and I answered some questions and shared my experience. They asked what I was studying, and we continued talking for some time. As the conversation drew to a close, Jay asked if I'd ever consider doing a children's ministry internship sometime. Shocked, I explained to him the conversation I'd had at lunch only hours earlier. We agreed to talk more about it later, and I returned to the soccer game with a spring in my step, no doubt in my mind that the irony of the meeting was no mere coincidence but a divine appointment with God's fingerprints all over it.
Over the next months, I met with Jay and we planned out an internship for the summer; I was so thankful to know in advance what I'd be doing this summer and excited to be doing something I am passionate about. Not to mention, this also happened to be the church my fiance, grandparents, and extended family attend, which was just the icing on the cake.
Before I knew it, May had arrived. I distinctly remember my first day. I was nervous and excited, and felt so extremely incompetent. I had spent the spring immersed in children's ministry classes with classmates who had significantly more experience than me, and seemed to know a lot more about what they were doing. I remember going into that first week at the church feeling like I had no idea what to expect, but eagerly anticipating all that God had in store for me this summer.
And if there's one thing I learned over the course of the past three months, it's that God is not in the business of disappointment. It was the coolest thing I've ever experienced. This confident, sure peace that came with knowing without a doubt I was right where God wanted me this summer flooded my soul. The typical Maryssa response to starting something new and venturing into new waters would have been to give way to anxiety and let fear settle in and take control. But this summer was different. From the moment I first entered the doors of the church, I felt such a sense of peace; I was overwhelmed with the love and encouragement from the congregation from day one. Very few times have I ever felt so completely, perfectly aligned with His will.
The following months were filled with a time of great growth, stepping out of my comfort zone, and quickly coming to love a wonderful group of kids full of spunk and personality. Over the course of the summer, I went from feeling like I have no clue what I'm doing to gaining experience and confidence as I let myself be stretched in new ways, whether helping plan and lead a VBS, teaching lessons on a weekly basis, or leading a Bible study at a local retirement community. This summer has led to great personal spiritual growth, a new appreciation for God's Word, and immense experience and wisdom gained through working with some incredible individuals. I have been so blessed by the church staff and members of the congregation. I have so enjoyed being welcomed into this faith community with open arms, and joining the vision for the future generations of Christ-followers.
This summer rekindled in me the acknowledgement of the importance of children. While often overlooked or pushed aside, kids are the future church, the hands and feet of Christ to a broken and hurting world. The view of the world through the eyes of a child is so very different from that of an adult. This summer has reminded me that I have as much to learn from them as they have to learn from me. Heck, we're on this journey together, learning as we go and grow.
I was struck over the course of the past few months how important it is to value inter-generational relationships. We have so much to learn, from both the old and the young, from those who are like us and those who are very different. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity this summer to learn from both the young and old alike. What a great reminder that we're all on this journey together.
Transitioning back to a school-year routine is never easy. Such change often doesn't sit well with me. I am a sentimentalist; I hold tightly with closed fists. But yet again, God gently nudges me and reminds me of the joy that comes with seasons. Open hands, Maryssa. Yes, open hands. So I move forward into the fall, treasuring up a bountiful bundle of blessings and fond memories from my time as the children's pastor intern, and I eagerly await God to make the next move. And while the old Maryssa would be freaking out right about now, dwelling on the thought that I'm graduating from college and getting married in less than a year and still don't know exactly what I want to do with my life, this Maryssa is entirely okay with it. Once again, I rest in the sure peace that comes with knowing God's got this. He already knows what He's got in store for me in the seasons to come, and if that's the case, then it is well with my soul. Whatever He has up His sleeves, I have no doubt it'll be pretty great.
~
These kids have been the biggest blessing to me, and this morning had me feeling so loved. Upon leaving after church today, two youngsters on the playground called out to me, reminding me that they'd see me when I come back to visit. The feeling of little friends running to hug my legs one more time before I left topped off a summer of joy. I am ever so blessed, and forever thankful that God gave me the opportunity to love, to be loved, and to grow with this group of new friends this summer.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
Isaiah 55:8-12
