I suppose it may be easiest to start with the practical. January brought with it a full-time schedule with TTG, which is SO exciting and wonderful and I've been loving every minute of it. I have a fairly consistent schedule now, which I love, and it has brought a bit more structure to my life (which is always nice). It's also convenient that my office time is split between the actual office and the coffee shop, which has been a really practical way of just simply being present in the community; this has opened doors to some neat interactions, and it's been super cool to see God moving and teaching me things in simple, practical ways from a coffee shop.
The Hiland mentoring program is up and running and that's been so exciting to be a part of! I oversee the Hiland program, and it's been such a joy to get mentors and mentees matched and connected and see relationships begin to form. I love getting to see connections being made and how, even though we've paired the matches, God has truly been orchestrating them and working out the details behind the scenes. Mentoring has also been such a delight to me, I have so enjoyed getting to know my mentee and getting to hang out and enjoy activities together.
Career mentoring has been going well, it's been such a blessing to continue to get to know my IV students and explore career options together. Having been in their shoes, I'm so grateful to be a resource for them and get to journey with them.
Character development groups have also been going well; I've so enjoyed getting to meet and connect with individuals from the community through these meetings at local businesses. I've said it before, but it's awesome to know so many more people than I ever would have. It's funny how frequently I've run into someone I've met through a CDI group randomly in public, at restaurants or coffee shops. It's such a cool experience. I'm officially trained on 75% of the lessons and have been leading more sessions. I anticipate getting to lead some new groups this spring, which is exciting!
The personal growth element of my job is constantly refreshing me and filling me up. I've so appreciated being mentored by Jocelyn and being challenged and discussing growth on a weekly basis. I've been reading some really good books, which have brought with them so much growth, conviction, and insights (see below for some recommendations!).
To all who have continued to pray for me and TTG, financially support my position or the ministry, are mentoring or praying for the mentors—thank you! You are such an incredible blessing and God is certainly using you to bring more and more of His Kingdom to our community. It is a tremendous joy to witness His work in our local communities.
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1) Rest.
Much of what God's been teaching me about rest has stemmed from reading Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. They addressed this common issue among women: "An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time." This resonated with me, as one of my big struggles is trying to balance or reign in my personality; I began thinking about the ways I feel "not enough" and "too much" at the same time—worrying about being too silly and goofy, or too needy, or not serious enough or outgoing enough or bold enough, or being too nice, not organized enough, too stubborn, simply not enough ...
The Eldredges write, “We are afraid of being truly seen, and so we hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted." While this is a struggle for me, especially so as the people-pleaser I've always been, God has been working in me to be content with being a single, constant Maryssa; I want to be a hybrid of strengths and vulnerability, fully present in any given situation, whether that’s being a gentle listener or a joyful energizer.
The biggest takeaway from this book was an unexpected one, a quote describing a 75 year-old woman that pricked up the hairs on my neck and now resides on a note card taped to my bathroom mirror:
"Her eyes sparkled when she laughed, which she did often, and her smile lit up
the room. She was clearly in love with her husband, her face adoring as she
gazed at him. June was at rest with herself, at home in who she was. Talking
with her, just being with her, made us feel more at rest with ourselves as
well. Her spacious, beautiful soul invited others to come to be, to taste and
see that the Lord is good, whatever was happening in your life… She was
gloriously alive and in love, both with her husband and with the God of the
Universe."
the room. She was clearly in love with her husband, her face adoring as she
gazed at him. June was at rest with herself, at home in who she was. Talking
with her, just being with her, made us feel more at rest with ourselves as
well. Her spacious, beautiful soul invited others to come to be, to taste and
see that the Lord is good, whatever was happening in your life… She was
gloriously alive and in love, both with her husband and with the God of the
Universe."
As I got through the first sentence and into the second, I resonated with these words, feeling as though, perhaps, they could have been written about me. I continued on through the paragraph and the similarities continued. As odd as it seems, I felt that this description of 75 year-old June was the most accurately written description I'd ever heard of myself. The words echoed and bounced around my soul, working themselves into the fabric of my heart. I held on to these words and return to them often.
In comparison to the woman who tries to please everyone and strives for beauty, but remains restless and dissatisfied, I long to be the June kind of woman—the woman who understands that her beauty is something far greater than the external; her beauty, instead, is the kind that resonates effortlessly from the joy of a soul at home, a quiet confidence in who God’s calling her to be, and offering this deep rest to others as well.
Upon reading this, I decided to appoint my word of 2018 to be "rest." In doing so, I'm constantly reminded in all that I do to be a woman at rest, full of peace, content in my personality, my quirks, all of it, and inviting others to "taste and see that the Lord is good."
2) Vulnerability.
The past few months have been an incredible journey in which God has been emphasizing again and again the importance of vulnerability. It keeps coming back to this: there cannot be intimacy without vulnerability. I love intimacy. I love the depth and the closeness and realness of authenticity, trust, and closeness. But often I forget that intimacy comes only when partnered closely with vulnerability. It's easy to desire the security intimacy provides while at the same time keeping people at arms' length. I'm quick to bury my emotions and pretend things don't bother me. Even concerning positive things, sometimes I'm fearful or hesitant to open up and bare my feelings for fear of rejection or ridicule.
God's been teaching me that there is joy in experiencing and sharing emotions, even if it is difficult. While reading Present Over Perfect, I was reminded that "Brave is articulating my feelings, especially when the feelings are sad or scared or fragile instead of confident or happy or light." I am a fairly independent person; I am stubborn; I like to prove that I am competent; I don't like to ask for help; and I certainly don't like to admit that my feelings have been hurt or that I'm feeling incapable. But God's been patiently working on me and renewing within me the desire to be known. Even in my weaknesses, being known completely is more comforting than walking alone. So on the road to vulnerability, the journey continues, but there is progress, and I'm not walking alone.
3) Renewing Your Mind.
This one's a doozy. I've just finished working through The Search for Significance with Jocelyn (I mentioned it here), and the last chapter smacked me in the face. The premise of the whole book is comparing the devil's lies with God's Truth, and learning to live from the latter. I—in my very humble mind, of course—approached each chapter with the assumption that this lie wouldn't apply to me (*insert gif of God belly-chuckling at my naive pride here*). And boy, oh, boy did I get rocked. I've discovered some twisted ways in which I've viewed myself and perceived situations and the motivations of others. It's been extremely convicting, absolutely humbling, and I'm praising the Lord that Romans 12:2 is a real option.
Through the process and application of this book, I've been able to pinpoint situations in which I'm especially vulnerable to deception; I've recognized areas in which I've given Satan a foothold. I've learned to constantly return to Truth and ask God to bring clarity to my beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Our mind is a battlefield and we must dress for action. This is such a process. But it is incredible to experience the freedom that comes from dancing in the light of Truth rather than trudging in a murky puddle of deception. Again, it's a journey.
Bonus lesson: God's been teaching me to expect to see Him move. Pray for opportunities, watch for opportunities. Anticipate the miracle. He will show up. #ShortAndSweet.
~
Rys Reads:Over the past six months I've rekindled my love for reading; it's been a huge source of growth for me, and if you're looking for some fresh reads, I'd love to recommend these!
Present Over Perfect, by Shauna Niequist—My sister-in-law had initially recommended this to me, so when it showed up on my reading list at work I was so pumped to read it. It did not disappoint—I felt like I was underlining half the book. It's filled with so many practical insights and challenges to go against the grain of going and doing and achieving (i.e. the striving of the anti-June); it challenges to invest in the people in your life instead of seeking to please as many people as possible. Practical, helpful, easy read!
Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge—This book took me awhile to read because it was so full of goodness; it was largely transformational for me. I learned so much about my identity, emotions, and needs as a woman, and it renewed my understanding of my security in Christ. There's depth to this one, but it's oh, so good for the woman's soul!
Experiencing the Spirit, by Henry and Melvin Blackaby—This book quickly convicted me of my tendency to underestimate God. It's just a small book, but it's power-packed and brings some fresh perspectives on the Holy Spirit. Reading and applying this book led me to actively look for the Spirit's hand in everyday moments and invite Him to give me opportunities to see Him move. He did not disappoint. I'd highly recommend reading this one!
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