One Step Closer...

Well, over the past week I've made several conclusions that are bringing some peace to my slightly crazy, busy life... 

I do, in fact, have passions after all.

I have recently told several people that I feel like I have no clue what I want to do with my future, that there are things I enjoy, but nothing I just want to pursue the rest of my life. In short, I literally told them, "there's just nothing I'm passionate about." I quickly realized that is not true, not at all. 

On the final night of our missions conference, the speaker made the statement, "God uses you best when you're doing what you love most where the need is greatest." He asked what makes us happy, then said those are the things through which God will use us the most. He asked us what saddens, angers, and disappoints us, then said places where those things occur are where He will use us the most. 

So that got me to thinking... What brings me joy? What saddens me? What are my dreams, goals, and plans for my future? Where would I like to see myself five, ten, twenty years down the road? I realized that I have been too busy worrying that I haven't actually taken the time to dream. So I took some time, and wrote out several pages on my hopes and dreams for the future. I wrote about college, careers, marriage, adventures, kids, church, family, hobbies, and where I hoped I'd be after so many years. And it was so good to just look at all of these dreams of mine. I definitely realize that, ironically, God's plans often don't align perfectly with mine, but they always seem to surpass anything I could possibly wish or imagine (which is why Isaiah 55:8-9 are two of my all-time favorite verses!). Taking time to realize what brings me joy and what I love doing the most brought me to my next conclusion...

I want to write.

I've come to the conclusion that I love writing too much to dismiss it as a simple hobby. I want to pursue it, do something with it, and be a blessing to people through it. I process my own thoughts best by putting them down onto paper and looking at them in word form. I love taking thoughts and turning them into flowing sentences, picking words to join hands and dance together across a page. It's something I love, something that brings me joy; I thought it would be a waste to not pursue something I enjoy so much. After deciding this, I was told by a close friend that my passion for writing is something that God has given me for a reason, and that He could use it in many ways. This confirmed my recent epiphany and encouraged me to continue mulling over this idea. As I did, I realized...

I am coming closer to making a final decision about college.

I am not entirely sure (of course I'm not, because I am one of the most indecisive people on the planet... ha!), but I am really thinking I would love to go to Bluffton. With my interest in English and writing, they have great options to work with a combination of the two; the flexibility with certain focuses and concentrations would be ideal. Being on campus recently, I could see myself there as a student in the future. It really is a beautiful place, and with the small, Christian atmosphere, I could see myself really growing, enjoying myself, and thriving. For me, I think it's the perfect distance from home, giving me some space and freedom, yet not too far away to come home on occasional visits. It just seemed like the perfect fit for me; I guess we'll see :)

The nice thing is that now I am finally feeling some peace about everything. I have been so crazy stressed the past few months trying to figure out what I want to do with my life after high school, trying to force myself to view all the options and decipher my future right this very moment. I am realizing that I don't have to know everything right now. If I did, one, I wouldn't be relying on God as much, and two, there would be no adventure along the way! And what fun would that be...?

-MM