A Lesson in People-Pleasing

I had a mini revelation last night.

Well, maybe a bigger one than I thought. 

I was talking on the phone with my boyfriend when he pointed out that every single question he'd asked in the course of a few minutes had resulted in a non-committed answer from me. I'd given him a handful of I dunnos, some ehh, I have no ideas, and didn't seem very certain about anything.

As I thought about it for a second, I told him, "You know what? I've realized lately that I don't have much of an opinion on anything and that kinda frustrates me. I just don't really have any black and white opinions on anything."

He paused, then proceeded to give me some valuable insight. "I think you are afraid to have a black or white opinion on things because you're a people pleaser and you're afraid to disappoint or offend others."

He nailed it on the head.

A few months ago he'd told me something similar... I am a people pleaser. I strive to please everyone, and in the process I often wear myself out because I'm too afraid of disappointing others or letting someone down.

The same thing applies to personal opinions. In debating a topic, or having a discussion about two sides of a matter, I often find myself weighing the sides, picking and choosing ideas from both stances that I agree with. While there may be pros and cons to both sides of a matter, I finally discovered that often times I refrain from developing a solid opinion in order to prevent conflict; this revelation didn't sit well with me. 

I think I've subconciously known this about myself for some time, but never really took the time to realize how true it is, and that it's not exactly a good thing. I am afraid of disappointing others, letting them down, and having them dislike me. I have fallen into the trap of constantly trying to please others. And as a result I don't speak my mind very often in fear of hurting or upsetting others who may have different opinions than me.

But I need to get over my fear of disappointing people.

"You're not gonna please everybody, that's just the way it is," Noah told me. "You're gonna have opinions that are totally different from others. But you just gotta get past that. If they can't get past it, they're not worth spending your time with and investing time in."

I am always going to disagree about certain things with other people; that's just the way it is. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, if I stand firm in what I believe and respect others for their opinion. But most importantly, I need to let go of my fears of others' perceptions of me and not let other people's opinions affect who I am and what I believe.

And I don't feel like I have a problem with giving in to peer pressure or getting easily swayed by other people; I merely think I place to high a value on gaining people's approval, and I too often fear what other people think of me. When in the big picture, their opinions of me are irrelevant, because the only thing that really matters is how God sees me, which is through eyes of unending love and grace. He's the One I should seek to please, and the only One that brings the purest joy through pleasing.

"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." —Revelation 3:16

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. 
—Galatians 1:10

But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. 
—2 Thessalonians 2:4

~MM