It is well with my soul

It's been far too long since I've taken the time to sit and write, and quite honestly, after the day I've had I probably shouldn't be up writing right now. Going on five hours of sleep after staying up till two in the morning to edit videos for youth group tonight, then spending a long emotional day at a college visit, I think I should probably hibernate for a solid night's sleep. But at the same time, after a day like today, I need to write.

God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good. I can't say that enough.

If you know me well at all, you know I've been frustrated for months trying to figure out what God has in store for me after high school. I have struggled to understand myself, my passions, my interests, my goals, and to come up with a reasonable conclusion for the next step in my life. 

Sometimes the most reasonable thing isn't the way to go. It's funny how ironic life is sometimes. A lot of the time, actually.

Last week I was venting to my boyfriend, admitting to him my doubts about everything I thought I had decided. I told him how I'd realized that when asked about my plans for the future, my answer has always been the same over the past few years: studying English at the college I always assumed I would attend. Because that was the only thing I was aware of, the only logical answer that made sense, regardless of my inability to figure things out on my own. Which is exactly what I've been trying to do for the past while.

His answer to me was blunt and honest: Maryssa, you need to stop worrying and just pray. You need to turn it over to God and trust that He will show you what He has next for you at the right time.

He was right; I'd been trying so hard to figure everything out on my own and was getting absolutely nowhere. I promised him and myself that I'd pray more about it and try to turn it over to God, trusting that He'd come through at just the right time.

And one after another, things began to fall into place.

The next day at school, I was doing a little research online on the majors I'd been considering. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. The English major consisted of writing, yes, but also literature; I am not a literature person. At all. The communications major combined everything I love about writing, media, and people, into one happy bundle. How perfect, I thought to myself, this sounds more like me. 

Two days later, I found myself in youth group on Sunday morning. Normally we pray together in small groups, but this time, my youth pastor had us partner up to pray, sharing specific requests for anything going on in our lives. I confessed to my prayer partner my frustrations and doubt and worry about the future, seeking wisdom, guidance, and clarity in my decision making. 

Two days after that, my dad discussed with me some exciting possibilities and job opportunities to gain experience in my newfound field of interest. 

Last night, I saw God's Not Dead (which is a super good movie, I'd definitely recommend it…) in theaters; throughout the movie the repeated line "God is good, all the time" kept popping up.

Which brings me back to today.

I started out the morning thinking I was going to go to a college visit to check out a school to appease my parents, who wanted me to at least set foot on campus to see what it was like, despite the fact that I'd already pretty much committed myself to another school. I even chatted with a friend who attends the school over lunch, and when she asked if I'd made my college decision, I told her I was pretty sure I was going to the other school, I was just visiting today to check out the place since I'd heard good things about it and it was on my radar. 

Funny. 

Immediately after that I sat in on a class, and as I observed, I caught myself comparing it with the school I was planning on attending. Something about it felt so much more laid back and personable. The classroom visit was followed by a campus tour, during which I surprisingly found myself falling in love with the place. The spiritual atmosphere of the campus was compelling, and I kept noticing one positive detail after another. 

While waiting to meet with a prof after the tour, we chatted with the student tour guide. While talking, she casually commented about a nearby college, saying "I was actually planning on going there; I was accepted, I made the soccer team, and was planning on attending with my best friend. Everything was all perfectly lined up and I was set on going there. Then I came and visited here, and I just felt such a peace, and I knew this was where I needed to be." 

Well if God was trying to get my attention, I don't think He could've done any better by dumping an ice cold bucket of water on my head. As soon as those words came out of her mouth, I instantly found myself relating one hundred percent; the peace she described paralleled the peace I'd found as somehow my stubborn, settled mindset from earlier this morning changed to picturing myself on this campus next fall. 

It was seriously the strangest, most bizarre 180 degree turn. Entirely unexpected. After the meeting with the prof, my parents and I walked outside and I told them I loved the school… even more than the school I'd planned on attending for the past three years. I literally loved everything about it, including the convenient hour drive from home.

A mixed look of surprise, shock, and relief washed over them.

"Really?" they asked.

"Yes, I absolutely love it here."

They let out a sigh and looked at each other, then back at me. 

Next, in short, they basically told me that for some time they've felt like this was the school that would be the best fit for me, but they didn't want to push me and wanted me to follow the Lord's leading, not wishing to pressure me one way or another. I was told they had shared their unsettledness and doubts of my previous plans with multiple people, who have been praying for me without me even knowing, praying that God would give me wisdom, clarity, and that He would show me the way. And He did just that.

But the coolest thing about it all was that they never said a word about this to me; the entire transformation of my mindset and view of this school had completely changed since the moment I'd arrived on campus earlier today, in a matter of a few short hours. It was nothing short of a miracle, nothing but the Holy Spirit answering prayers and lighting the path for me, showing me what I'd been looking for all along. 

Life is ironic. It's really funny how things like this happen. I like to think God just enjoys keeping us on our toes, and laughing at our surprise when He does super cool things like this.

Today was an incredible reminder of several things: One, God is faithful, and He knows what He's doing. His ways are higher than ours and He works all things for the good for those who love Him. Two, prayer is powerful, and so is the Holy Spirit. Never doubt the power of prayer when you surrender something over to God. The answer may not always be immediate, or even what you're looking for, but it's always the best. And finally, today I was reminded to be patient, because God's got it all under control.

Tonight I have felt more peace than I've felt in a long time. It is such a refreshing feeling to feel the Lord lead me to a decision and bring such wonderful peace along with it. At last, I can say, it is well with my soul.